I’ve been through a lot for an eighteen year old girl. I’ve been depressed, stressed, and even suicidal in my younger years. There was too much problem, that I can’t carry anymore. I tried to kill myself once, it’s because I can’t take the pain I was struggling. There was no one beside me, there was no one to comfort me. I thought the so-called best friends would be there in times of my trouble, but they weren’t. But I never did it again, I was afraid.
By that time, I’m starting to get low grades, I don’t eat much, I don’t go to school often nor hangout with them. My relationship with my family was in the rocks too. I felt no one loved me. My mom would always scold and yelled at me. All I do was always wrong in her eyes, I don’t feel the love anymore. My boyfriend, whom I totally fall in love with, was cheating on me. He tried to turn the things upside down, and made me the one who was cheating on him. How awful was it? But instead, I still loved him, and followed him like a stalker. There was too much pain. I pity my heart for taking too much she shouldn’t have experienced.
After sometime, I get sober. Despite the hard times, I didn’t do anything that I know I would regret. I studied hard. I settled with enough friends, and not many fake friends. I leaned on to God, and I know without him, I am nothing now. My parents didn’t know I struggled before, until now. In their eyes, I am their tough daughter, yet they don’t know the pain I was into. I tried to talk with my mom about it, but it turned out bad. I thought she would understand, but she didn’t. With that, I know our relationship will never changed. I tried to become a good daughter, as far as I know.
(to be continued..)
So, as a freshmen, it is my first year to take summer term. The so-called “Hell term” is true. From 12 weeks, shortened to 8 weeks, all classes are long, fast and boring. I’m taking major subjects, and I can say it’s really a pain in my ass. I get to sit in class for 6 hours, with an hour break. From 9:00 in the morning - 4:00 in the afternoon, I get to sit and stare the teacher without knowing a single thing they said. It’s really frustrating to understand people that talks too fast, especially I’m not a native speaker who could understand every single word they say.
I barely visit my blogs, and I’m sorry. I’m so busy studying, and sleeping. lol My brain is dead tired of all the informations in it. If only i could save it in a hard drive, so that I can just look up on it in a computer. How I wish! It’s 12, and I have class tomorrow. So till next time. Off to dreamland!
To All My Friends,
We may not always see each other. I may not always be present when you’re down or whenever you need a friend, I just want you all to know that I love you and I’m glad to have you all as my friends. I miss you all. :) I enjoyed and cherished each time I’m with you guys and I will always will. Thank you for everything! Merry Christmas and I hope to spend more time with you when I get back!
Merry Christmas everyone and may GOD continue to bless us all. :) Let’s not think of the gifts we will receive but for the gifts we are willing and wholeheartedly give. We celebrate Christmas for Papa Jesus! :)
Share LOVE. ♥
I still love Manny Pacquiao! Even though he didn’t won the fight against marquez, he remained honest about being careless. He is a good boxer, Marquez is just better. I didn’t expect he will lose in 6th round. That was very short!
I just noticed. Sa bawat laro nya. Suot suot nya lagi ung rosary nya, at nagdadasal siya. Pero ngayon fight nya, hindi nya ginawa un. :(
Nung una, madali pa. Nang tumatagal, medyo nagkakaproblema na. Problema sa communication, problema sa oras. Ako, medyo busy kasi e. School, Volleyball, Aikido. Minsan kung makaka’alis. Gusto ko magpakasaya, hindi ko naman magawa. Iba parin ang saya sa Pilipinas. Kasama ung mga taong nakagawian mo lumaki at mga taong nakasama mo ng napakatagal. Gabi ang mga lakad ko, umaga sa Pilipinas, kaya supposedly naguusap kami, nasa labas ako. I feel guilty kasi hindi ko magampanan ung responsibilidad ko, as a girlfriend, pero hindi mo rin naman matatanggal sakin ung konting kasiyahan ko na gusto ko madama. I feel bored, wala ko magawa. Noon, kausap mo lagi mga kaibigan mo, pupunta ka kung saan saan, o kaya pupunta ka kasama siya. kaso ngayon, ang mga kasama ko, matatanda at nagiisang pinay na kaidaran ko. Nakakaburyo. Paguwi ko, magkakausap lang sandali, tapos magpapahinga nko kasi sobrang pagod. Gusto ko man siya kausapin ng sobrang tagal, bumibigay naman ung katawan ko. Dahil sa stress, pagod at sakit ko. Matutulog ako, gising siya. Gigising ako, tulog na siya.
Ngayon, Hindi ko mapigilan magselos. Hindi ko alam kung, may ibang tao na bang nagaalaga sakanya, tulad ng ginagawa ko noon. Kung may humahalik o yumayakap ba sakanya habang wala ko. Sweet siya na tao, kaya lahat ng tao, mapakaibigan sweet siya. Hindi mo maiwasan magselos, kahit alam mong wala naman dapat ipagselos. May mga issue na lumalabas na super close sila ng ex nya, na bukang bibig sya ng ex nya! kahit na sabihin mong tropa lang. as a girlfriend, iba ung mararamdaman ko. masakit, at selos! kaibigan ko rin ung tao, at ayoko masira un dahil lang doon. kung pde lang sabihan ung tao. kasalanan ko naman kung bakit sila naging close e. hindi ko na alam ung gagawin ko. Gusto ko umuwi, and be with him pero iniisip ko din naman ung future ko.. ang hirap.
Gumaan gaan na ung loob ko, wala ko masabihan e. May mga tao nga na pwede mo pagsabihan, hindi naman naririnig or they dont care. Mas mabuti ng dito nlng. Tinaguriang mga kaibigan ko, wala kapag kailangan ko ng masasandalan..
Masaya sana e, kaso may lakad ako mamaya. Haha. :) Ayoko maglakad ng umuulan at basa ang kalsada. Hahaha. Puhhhleeaaaseee! :(
I want to go to Seattle and watch Filipino movies, yet it’s 4 hours away! I feel bad about it. I missed the movies I waited for so long. I’ll buy DVD’s of these movies when I got home! :(
- Suddenly It’s Magic
- Secret Affair
- No Other Woman
- This Guy’s In love with you Mare
I forgot the others..
My friend, Jaren, and I were talking about our language. He said, He wanted to learn tagalog, so I taught him some words. He made a list of words to translate and I answered it all. One night, he texted me in tagalog. I was confused about it, It was translated word by word, not by the way it really means. Si told him the right way to say the words he’s trying to learn and I ask him were he got those words. He said, “I got it from Google Translate. Why?” I told him that, They were translating word by word and sometimes the outcome of it is not really what you mean. He was kinda pissed and said I want to learn the real tagalog language not just by google translate. Well, Tagalog is a hard language like other languages.
Bummer! :) I’ll try to continue this one. GoodNight! :*
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I'm KATREEN. =)
they call me ABBY too.
I'm a Filipina, 18 years old
and I live in Oregon USA.
capricious. clever. affable
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